Martha Metzler.com

I could feel it boiling up for a week now. There was an absence of peace, I could just feel it you know? It feels like stress, most of the time over nothing. Because that’s all that stress really is, an absence of peace.

I didn’t have much patience, I certainly didn’t have much grace, and my joy was short-changed. Instead of enjoying the little moments, I filled them with questions of the unknown.

What if this baby comes too early? What if something goes wrong? What if I go into labor and Sam is in court all day and I can’t get a hold of him? What if Bud is confused and scared? How will I handle Sam’s long hours and traveling with 2 little ones? How long will we be across the country from family? Will he deploy again soon?

All of these questions felt like a swarm of bees in my head. Sam got home last night and he could see it. The absence of peace. I realized I needed to hop in the shower, there’s something cleansing and quiet about retreating there. I wasn’t in there one minute before I quickly realized that I needed to once again, CHOOSE peace. I could choose to replace those questions with faith. I could choose to replace that impatience with patience. I could choose to replace that swarm of bees with joy.

I got out of shower with a new attitude. One of claiming gratitude for the good things that happened that day instead of thinking I was some sort of victim for the bad things.

I feel like I’m constantly learning this lesson over and over – but I’d rather spend my life chasing down peace than never knowing it exists.

It’s easy to get caught up in the every day cycle of madness and forget to take time for each other. Sam and I continue to fall more in love each day but sometimes I forget to really show him. We forget to take time to make romance in the ordinary.

The other night it was gorgeous and clear and we had gotten Bud down for the night. We had just finished cleaning the kitchen when Sam looked at me with the mischievous look in his eye that got me into this beautiful mess to begin with 9 years ago and said, “Lets climb on the roof and watch the sun set.”

A million reasons for “HELL NO” went through my head (mainly being I’m giant and we don’t own a ladder) but I giggled like the college co-ed I was when he swept me off my feet and said, “Sounds great babe.”

So he hoisted my pregnant, large tail onto the roof (ever so gracefully) and joined me, baby monitor in hand and we watched the sun set over Mount Rainier. We sat up there for hours talking about our present, our future, and every now and then snuggling up close and just enjoying the quiet.

It was beautiful, romantic, and the embodiment of why I fell in love with this man to begin with. Not to mention it was hilarious watching people’s faces as they did a double-take at the crazy people on the roof… one of whom is very pregnant.

I hope we always take time to pursue romance, we have to make time for romance, and we have to make time for each other outside of changing diapers and cleaning up toys. Because its always worth it. Always.

Because I mean… have you seen this guy?!

28 Weeks: Still feeling cute and “glowy”. Baby is healthy and active. The midwife appointments are still pretty spaced out so it’s not quite hitting me that I’ll be having a baby in a couple of months….. except the growing belly.

29 Weeks: Ummmm starting to feel large and in charge. And honestly, people are staring…. perhaps because I’m still trying to wear non-maternity clothes. Also- blood vessels are breaking all over my thighs…did that happen to any of you?!

30 Weeks: This is right before my adorable friend Kim threw a baby shower for me. It was so fun to celebrate this baby with my friends and he actually got some new clothes! Poor dude is destined for hand me downs so it was really fun to get some cute new stuff just for him. In other news, I have no idea why my face looks like that.

32 Weeks! Man, craziness. Today was Bud’s 2nd birthday and we had an awesome time until I looked at the little birthday song video I made for him and gasped at how damn pregnant I am. My energy is still great, the baby is doing great, CRAZY active. I went last Friday and they said that he’s positioned sideways but not to be worried because there is still a lot of room in there and hopefully he’ll get into good position in the next several weeks. Send some good head-down thoughts and prayers my way! Other than that, his heart rate is perfect and he’s measuring a bit on the small size but still in the okay realm!

I was sitting on the floor watching my son chase our poor dog with his toy dump truck and he looks back at me with wide, adventurous eyes and says, “CHASE ME MAMA!”

And I’m ashamed to say but my immediate thought was, “Ugh….. but I’m sitting. And I’m big. Our house is tiny and I don’t feel like running in tiny circles. And have I mentioned I’m big? And lazy?” and it hit me. Do I play with my son enough? I mean really play with my son?

I watch, I laugh, I make funny noises but do I participate enough? Do I join in his games? I want to be remembered as a mom who had dance parties in the kitchen, got my hands dirty with mud pies and play-dough instead of just watching, and a mom who crawled into the forts no matter how awkward I looked.

I watched this amazing tribute Stephen Colbert did for his mom and I found myself weeping because I could see in his eyes and hear in his voice how much his mama was his playmate. I so desperately want that for my boys. (I’m sure the weeping had nothing to do with my hormones…)

SO, here is my pledge. Even if I’m feeling lazy, tired, or just plain grumpy. I will play with my children. These days are short and the seasons fleeting. What a tragedy to rush through them by watching from the kitchen or because I’m staring at my computer. I will dance in the living room adorned in a funny hat, I will spend rainy days making flubber and racing cars through a masking tape racetrack, and I will chase my son. Gladly, humbly, and with every silly bone in my body, I will play.

I get asked a lot about what new moms should actually register for so I decided to start a list that I could just start sending to folks! Since #2 isn’t going to need anything new really, this list is mainly full of suggestions for folks expecting their first child.

Now I will say, there will be items that are completely subjective to your baby and you! That’s why registry lists can be so overwhelming because different babies have different needs. You’ll figure it out as that first year goes by but this is a list that I used and I’d say I used these things on the reg that first year!

Crib and Bedding

-Crib & crib mattress

– Pack n’ Play and sheets. Also, a little tip: go to your local craft store and have them cut thick foam that fits in the bottom of the pack n’ play. It makes it feel just like a crib and Bud always slept better when we had the foam in there!

-2 or 3 crib sheets (I got a couple that matched our bedding but then extra white ones because you’ll go through them a lot the first couple of months when they leak through their diaper).

-2 waterproof mattress covers (they go under the crib sheets)

–Crib skirt- not for looks, but to hide stuff under the crib!

–Swaddle blankets. Everyone has their own opinion on which brand but I’ve heard great things about Swaddle Me velcro swaddlers- they velcro shut. Or people swear by the Miracle Blanket but we never used it. We actually just used large Aden & Anias blankets with his hands up by his head (but still in the blanket) and that helped transition him to not needing the swaddle to sleep.

–2-3 Sleep Sacks (wearable blankets)- A good transition out of swaddle. We have the Halo sleep sacks and like them.

–Blankets for swaddling/wrapping/covering/urp clothes/etc. We LOVE LOVE Aden and Anias blankets because they’re big enough to swaddle and light enough that they aren’t bulky. Plus, I used them to lay on the ground for him to lay on while playing.

Diapering

–Diaper Genie:  Tip: I use Hefty medium trash bags instead of the Genie refills because they are crazy cheap and do the same thing. 

– Changing pad for a changing table (you can obviously change him anywhere, but we found that, with a boy especially, changing time can be quite messy (i.e. pee flying everywhere despite your best attempts to cover it and poop explosions that shoot across the room) so having a set place with a mat or something underneath to help catch all of this is both nice and more sanitary.)

-several changing pad covers: we got one that matched our crib bedding but then a couple that we could switch out.

-“Puddle pads”– we put these over the changing pad so that every time he pees or poops (i’m convinced he waits until AFTER i take his diaper off). that way you aren’t constantly washing the changing pad covers

–Hand sanitizer (we keep this on the changing table and on all tables for that matter for when people come over)

–Diapers- Again, everyone has their own opinion about brands or cloth vs. disposable. We used Pampers Swaddlers with the stripe that tells you when they have a wet diaper and love them because they’re the softest and i love that stripe! After a year, I switched to Costco brand when his skin was less sensitive.

–Wipes- we use unscented Pampers Sensitive or Costco brand

-Travel diaper changing kit

– Diaper cream like Desitin/Aquafor

– Healthcare kit (nail clippers, nail files, thermometer (we got the one with the 3 different attachments but my doctor said that the rear-end way is the most accurate, saline, nose suction, Tylenol, Motrin, etc.) For his first little cold I was a bit unprepared so now we have a Crane cool-mist humidifier and a Nose Frida (totally gross but works)

Breast feeding

-My Breast Friend or Boppy– both really helpful for different reasons but we use the Boppy and had a Newborn pillow that propped him up when he was really little.

-Nipple cream- Lanolin in the purple bottle

-Nursing bra- the nursing tank was great for the hospital, but once my milk came in they didn’t fit me anymore. Seraphina has pretty ones that you won’t feel blegh in but honestly I’d only buy a couple because you’ll learn how to nurse with any bra and any shirt.

– Nursing cover- I used one from Eddie Bauer and one Bebe au Lait. Just try and get a light-weight fabric because the babes can get hot under there.

–Breast pads for leaking…yeah its gonna happen. I used the disposable ones that just stuck to my bra but I just heard about these new silicone ones that are reusable, you just rinse them off and they suction to your skin. Genius!

– Gel pads to go on your nipples those first few days- really helpful! You can put them in the fridge too if you’re really sore (awkward but true).

– Bottles. I had NO clue which bottles to get since everyone I talked to liked something different.  We had to try SEVERAL types of bottles and Bud only liked the Evenflo Comfi Fit but if I’d only buy one of each bottle so you’re not stuck with a million bottles like we are!

-I got the Medela double electric pump. I loved it and its super quick but for traveling, sometimes I wish that I had a battery operated one.

– If you pump, get TONS of milk storage bags that hook onto the pump, some self cleaning wipes, and some steam cleaning bags that you can quickly sanitize the suction cups and equipment.

Other: 

– Boppy Newborn lounger: we used this a bunch with Bud so that he could rest throughout the house and give my arms a break! We also used a Moses basket for his naps when he wasn’t in his crib.

-Pacifiers- Bud didn’t use them but the random times he did he used the Soothies

-Equipment- We have a vibrating seat and a swing that hangs in the door. The seat is nice for when you’re doing things around the house and want to give him a break from just laying on the ground.

-Car seat and Stroller (We have the Graco Snugride 35 and love it). Get one that pops out of the car (has a base that stays in car) and can click into your stroller. We have the BOB Revolution stroller and LOVE LOVE it and we got the car seat adapter that allows our car seat to click right into the stroller. I would highly recommend that!

– We got a cheap umbrella stroller for when he’s older and we don’t feel like lugging around the BOB

– If you get the BOB, get the cup holder attachment b/c I use this for water bottles and keys and ipod on my runs/walks

– Rocker/Glider (we found one on craigslist and I recovered it)

-Diaper bag: you can obviously pick which one you like the best but make sure it has lots of pockets and an insulated bottle compartment.

-Bath stuff- We started with an infant tub but I got tired of cleaning it each time so I just got in the tub with him and bathed him there because there is no clean up! Then once they can sit up, just plop them in your bathtub with a no-slip mat! Get some bath toys, baby towels, and soft washclothes. We use Aveeno baby shampoo and get one of the sponges with the soft bristles on the back side b/c that’ll help the cradle cap, and we love the Aveeno baby lotion.

–Baby carrier and/or Sling- We have the Baby Bjorn, Moby Wrap, Ergo and the New Native sling. We like the BB because Bud can face out, I liked the Moby Wrap for comfort, and the sling for stuff around the house. We got the Ergo for Christmas that first year and I’m in love. It’s comfy and REALLY easy to put on quickly.

– Baby Book– keep this in the living room or somewhere you can easily access it and use to update when you think of things.

–Sound Machine- We love the Sleep Sheep but it cuts off after a certain amount of time so once he got older and I wanted him to sleep through things we got one that lasted all night.

-Baby Monitors– We got the standard Sony ones but then switched to the Summer Infant video monitors. I LOVE having a video monitor.

– Glowing Seahorse– I can’t explain the power of this thing but it totally soothes him and we used it as a sleep cue every time he goes to sleep

– Booster seat for eating : because we don’t have a lot of room we got the one that clips onto our dining room chair

– Sippy cups, plates, and baby silverware… because it’ll happen before you know it!

– We also have the Bumbo and a Chicco Caddy seat that clips onto the edge of the table and we use those 2 things to feed him and you can use the caddy at restaurants and to travel with

– Storage baskets with liners – you’ll use these for clothes and other knick knacks

– TONS TONS of baby hangers

–Shopping Cart/High Chair Cover- I use this all the time. It covers shopping carts and all types of highchairs. I got the big fluffy one from Eddie Bauer that has elastic around the bottom. It works great.

–Books- unless you want your child to be illiterate 😉 But get the board books otherwise you’ll be dealing with a lot of tiny paper cuts on your baby’s hands!

-Play Mat with dangling toys: we used this everyday and it really strengthened him reaching for toys that can also be used for tummy time

– OBall and rattles and crinkle books are the only toys he used in the beginning. Anything that he can grab easily with bright colors.

– Play Mirror for floor…. because apparently babies are enamored with themselves.

Clothing

–Onesies. TONS and TONS in all sizes, long sleeve too. They even make them with the little mittens built in which were helpful in protecting their cute little faces from being scratched.

–Footed PJs.  Get A LOT of these, I would highly suggest getting some that zip up instead of button. It is so much easier, especially in the middle of the night!

-A few fitted hats

-Socks

-Cotton pants

– a jacket or two with hoods

– Bibs–I didn’t really use these until we started Bud on solids

– Spit up/burp clothes– just get a few cute ones for out in public but then just get a bunch of plain ones for the house b/c you’ll use them and wash them CONSTANTLY

– Then obviously, just the clothing you think is adorable!

So there ya have it! Anything I’m forgetting that seemed irreplaceable mama-pros out there?? 

Now that Bud is getting older and older, he is developing such a hilarious personality. I’ve started documenting little memories of him that I hope will make me laugh when he’s 16 and telling me that I’m ruining his life.

Bud & the Chocolate Milk

I was in the other room working on something and Bud was playing…. or so I thought. I was just about to go check on him when I heard the refrigerator shut. I walked into the kitchen and based on what I saw, I had to stay hidden to watch his careful plan unfold.

Sweet Bud foraged the chocolate syrup out of the fridge, and started walking to the kitchen table where his milk was. He proceeded to sit carefully down with a giant smile on his face and open the chocolate syrup and said with a grin, “chock-ate mick” and starts to pour it into his milk (aka all over my table).

I had to swoop in at this moment (poor kid had no idea he was being watched) and help him pour some chocolate into his milk. I didn’t have the heart to say no, the dude worked so hard. I love that he thought, “Hey, I have an idea, I’m going to get chocolate syrup out and make my own chocolate milk without Mama knowing.” Sometimes being a good mom means embracing the mess and saying YES!

*Note to self, hide the chocolate syrup*

Sorry I’ve been a slack blogger recently. Honestly, I have dozens of half-written posts in my drafts and I just can’t find the inspiration to finish them. I also have a hilarious toddler who is so fun to play with that I’ve been spending every moment soaking up this one on one time I have with him. I know it’s limited to just 8 more weeks….. seriously?

His naptimes have been spent with me sewing curtains and trying to get some stuff ready for his BIG BOY ROOM! WHAT?! I’ll definitely be posting pictures once its done but he’s so obsessed with his big boy bed so I’m encouraged about the transition. We’ll probably start next week…. so weird.

But all this to say, I hope you have an awesome weekend and I’m sorry I’ve been so slack. Bud is making enough judge-y faces for all of you.

The sun is starting to come out more consistently here in the PNW so we are happy people around here. We have been spending a lot of our time hiking, playing outside at the park, and running around like crazy people chasing poor Roy.

Friday we cooked out a friends house and Saturday we hung out as family for part of the day then Sam and Bud had a dude day while I hosted a cupcake decorating party. Saturday night Sam and I got to go out on the town for our seventh anniversary… what?! Such an awesome, challenging, beautiful seven years.

Sunday we had an awesome Father’s Day complete with homemade gifts, breakfast for my guys, nature walk, and a cookout with friends.

I hope yall had an awesome weekend and can we just pause for a sec and do a fist pump that it’s summer???

Have you ever reached that breaking point? You know what I’m talking about. When you’ve had a million hypothetical arguments inside your head (all of in which you are completely articulate and win in a bold, kickass fashion) but walk around with a smile on your face only to be shattered by one, insignificant comment and tears fall like you’ve just watched the series finale of Friday Night Lights again?

Well, I had one the other night. It’s been a long week and because it was a tough one for my husband workwise, I had foolishly assigned myself as a martyr and made sure everything was “just so”… who even know what that means but I thought it meant I should be making my house look like an episode of Donna Reed. He was busting ass to get home to try and see Bud most nights in time for bedtime and so on those nights, I was busting ass to make sure supper was ready, kitchen cleaned up, house straightened, my pregnant self wasn’t looking like I stumbled out of a “People of Walmart” picture, and I had a happy smile on my face. If I’m honest, most of these things are things I enjoy. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m doing these things out of traditional obligation. I love cooking and I like to live in a straightened house.  I try and plan well so I use naptime to prep supper so it’s not a mad dash, I clean throughout the day so it’s not overwhelming, and I have a “no PJs after 9am” rule otherwise I would be completely content staying in my tattered 1998 J.Crew PJ pants until I retired on the couch later that night. I am also not afraid to admit when I just want take-out and there are days even I wouldn’t eat something that fell on my floor. But this week was different, I wasn’t planning well and it all seemed pretty chaotic and overwhelming and if I’m honest, I was performing.

I so desperately want our home to be a safe haven for everyone, including Sam. This is all fine and dandy but here was my breaking point, I wasn’t communicating, I was performing.

Sam came home that night and he continually amazes me at how he doesn’t bring an ounce of negativity into the home after work. He bounds toward Bud and showers us both with love and attention. He is so engaged and hands on when he’s home. Stud. Anyways, we were all sitting on the floor playing when he made a joke about something I had done with Bud, which I would have normally laughed at… (not important nosy noses) and I just started crying. *Insert my husband’s panicked look and deer in the headlights “what the hell just happened” face*

He of course asked what was going on and if I was ok because these outbursts rarely happen (blame it on growing up with all boys but I’m not exactly forthcoming with my emotions all the time). I gathered myself and explained that it wasn’t anything he said, I just hit my breaking point when I realized I wasn’t communicating with my partner. I had been performing and I let some misinterpreted criticism shatter me… or rather, my performance. After explaining that while I rejoice in this season of being home with our son and trying to make it our safe haven, there were days that were hard and I hadn’t communicated that with him because I thought I needed to be Susie Homemaker with a perfected grin across my face. I felt guilty for missing work sometimes and then I felt guilty because I wasn’t living authentically with my husband but instead I was putting on a performance. Then he said something that was like salve on a burn.

“Hon, be released from that. That’s ridiculous.”

So simple and direct. And he’s right, it’s ridiculous that I feel like I couldn’t talk to him as if I was protecting him from something. He’s a big boy, he can handle it. In fact, he wants to handle it. We are partners, and if we don’t communicate with each other this whole thing is just going to blow up.

So, how do we set ourselves up so we don’t keep hitting these breaking points? We talk, we share, we be honest. My husband doesn’t want a performance. He wants me. Messy, sometimes crass, often loud and rarely quiet, and genuine. Your friends don’t want the stage version of you, they want the authentic version of you. Don’t play out a role you think you need to be playing, start communicating because finding that freedom with communication can be the greatest release and the greatest version of yourself.

I know I already mentioned how amazing my trip to NC was and it went by way too quickly but I had to throw some more pictures on here that I took with my phone.

Meet Jude, one of my favorite friends in the world. She is made of strength, grace, tie dye, and hilarity. She also was suckered by my son who was whining because he was too small to climb the playground so the next thing I know I look at Jude and she’s taking off her coat and declaring, “Bud is going down the slide!” and proceeds to take him through the kids’ sized maze so that he can go down the slide like the big kids. Friendship everyone… take notice.

Another one of dad’s “toys” that Bud became obsessed with. When Dad would get home from home Bud would grab his hand and make a bee line for the motorcycle. If he wants one when he’s 16, I’m blaming Pops.

My friend Betsy was in town the same weekend and we miss each other fiercely so we got to let our boys play and we could catch up. That woman has been one of my most steadiest friends since I was 18. And her boys (including her hubs) are just so awesome.

I could do an entire post about the train museum in Spencer, NC but don’t worry I won’t. But it was basically an entire day of paradise for Bud. SO MANY TRAINS! It was  super kid friendly so I wasn’t hollerin’ “No touch Bud!” and he even got to ride the train in which he kept yelling, “CHOO CHOO! ALL ABOARD!” so clearly it was a successful day. Plus, I got a kettle corn.

After our bumpy trip in Christmas, I was a bit scarred and worried that Bud wouldn’t sleep again and be super grumpy. Ummmm, this was his face the entire time. It made my heart so happy to see him around all four of his grandparents and playing in the dirt and being in the sun. These are the things I will never take for granted when we get closer.

 This is Grace and her Charlie. Yall- this child was prayed for for six years and he is here! And he’s pretty dang perfect. I love him so much and it was such a sweet time to celebrate with Grace and Michael over their miracle and just get some one on one snuggles (with Charlie…. not Michael). Thanks to Grandpa and Nana Metzler for watching Bud while I got some good time with Grace!

 As I was driving through the Triangle, I got to squeeze in a quick lunch with Melissa and there was much squealing, laughing, and sharing parenting stories. Such a sweet friend in her.

Here is Bud with his Grandpa. He is so blessed with incredible grandparents and feels very comfortable with all four of them. Blessed little dude. He was very excited to ride Grandpa’s lawn mower!

 Sam’s parents also got a new dog, Abby who was a little unsure of ole Bud but then warmed right up. Here is Nana with her Abby and Bud. Can we also take notice of Bud’s smirk…. that is a complete replica of his daddy. I told him he better lose that later in life because that smirk is how I got married at 23 and pregnant twice over. Again…. anybody know if they make chastity belts for boys?