Martha Metzler.com

Hey yall! Sorry I took a day but apparently Baby Boy 2.0 decided to throw me a curve ball and I had some serious sciatic pain yesterday. I walked around like a Disney witch all day and couldn’t really move but praise sweet Jesus I’m better today! That was weird. I didn’t have any of that with Bud.

Ok so question number 3 is from my dear dear friend Sarah. Yall this girl is the epitome of natural beauty inside and out. I’ll see her after she hasn’t been sleeping for several nights and she still manages to look so peaceful, graceful, and drop dead gorgeous. I love-hate it since I look like I’ve been bitch slapped by a panda bear after just one night of bad sleep.

She asks:

Well Sarah, when two people love each other and haven’t seen each other in 10 months…… jk. But for real, we’re pretty sure 2.0 was conceived the night he got home, TMI? Deal with it.  This is a really good question because it is a weird, exciting, but often times hard time reintegrating into a life that’s familiar, while not familiar all at the same time. Let me explain. Our life was awesome, I love being married and so when Sam first left, it was very strange. And then it became not so strange, it became the norm. I ate what I wanted (cereal for supper yay!), we lived by our own schedule, I got used to sleeping alone, I kept the our life, finances, etc. all in order, and I got used to raising Bud by myself.

Then he comes back and its so exciting and I felt complete again but, it was weird at first. I forgot how it felt to have him next to me in bed (aka, sharing the covers). I would parent Bud without including him and he didn’t want to jump right in because he felt he hadn’t earned the right (I’ll touch on this later but I think its important for the soldiers to observe for awhile before jumping right in). But all of those things we had mentally prepared for and we adjusted very quickly, much better than some of the horror stories I hear. I think the only thing I had to be intentional about was continuing to do the little things without him. Because I just did it without thinking, I’d be holding Bud, cooking supper, and trying to put groceries away all at once. And several times Sam had to stop me and say, “I’m here! Let me help!” I wasn’t excluding him out of spite, it was just the life I had gotten used to so I’d say that was the thing that I had to be most intentional about, including him.

my hunk

But honestly, as long as we communicate well and honestly, we avoid a lot of issues that most couples face coming back from deployment. If he was having a hard day, he’d tell me and I would create a peaceful environment in the house. I’d keep a grateful and joyful heart about fixing big suppers again and doing laundry because it meant I had my husband HOME to fix suppers for and clean his clothes. Everything was put into perspective and I really believe (obviously with the Lord as our anchor) with healthy communication and a grateful heart, there isn’t much that can’t be conquered.

bonding over R&R

some more R&R love

Now, for Bud. Sam left when he was 7 months old. He came back when Bud was around 18 months old. HUGE DIFFERENCE. And if we’re honest, Bud didn’t really understand who or hell, even WHAT a “Dada” was. He was quite familiar with grandfathers and uncles but not a Dada. But Sam and I prayed constantly for that transition and to no surprise, God answered those prayers like a boss. There was a supernatural connection between the two of them and I believe Bud remembered the time he had with him during R&R. Luckily, they gave Sam some time off when he got home so they were able to really bond and Bud could see that Dada was a part of our every day routine now. It went really well but like I said earlier, Sam was really good about being hands off for a few weeks and just being a play partner and observer in the other day-to-day stuff. It’s important to include them in the little activities like bathtime, bedtime routines, and meals but not to leave them alone for the first couple of weeks. He earned the right to discipline, etc. and I think that made a HUGE difference because if soldiers step in right away with disciplining, then the child is thinking “Who is this person just yelling at me!?” and that becomes their first association. Also, they have come from a very intense environment so their voice can be tense because that’s how they have HAD to communicate over the year but a child doesn’t understand that. So slow and steady won the race for us on that one because they are closer than ever and Bud loves his Dada. It still melts my heart when we hear his keys at the door and Bud starts yelling, “DADA! DADA!”, it’ll never get old after not having that for 10 months.

All in all, Sam and I frequently look at each other in wonder that we are so blessed and that our transition was so smooth. That man has my heart and I’m beyond grateful for his safe return. Our life is so much better with him in it.

I got another question about ways I kept Sam fresh in Bud’s mind while he was gone and I’ll try and knock that out tomorrow. Thanks again for the questions and wish us luck as we travel to Monterey for the weekend to see my KATE!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This next question is from one of my favorite people in the whole world. I’ve talked about Kate before and ohmygoshi’msoexcited but we are FINALLY going to visit her family in Monterey this weekend! This mama is a freaking rockstar, she takes motherhood by storm and by such grace and a sense of humor. I love watching her mother her boys and text her frequently with questions like, “WTF ARE THEY SO SMELLY?! IS IT OK TO USE A HOSE?”

Here is her question:

Ok, so this is something that I have felt rolling around in me for awhile. I wouldn’t categorize myself as an anxious person but I’ve definitely felt anxiety about Baby Boy 2.0 making his entrance. I felt like with Bud, I wasn’t anxious so much about life with a baby, but more about the labor and birth because well, something the size of a  watermelon is coming out of something the size of a watermelon has no business coming out of and I had no idea what to expect pain-wise. Plus, I was across the country without the hubbs until a week before the due date so that added to the anxiety party a bit. But with this next one, I find myself being more anxious about how Bud will feel and on those hard days when my energy is spent with ONE… how I will manage with TWO.

The past few weeks now that the pregnancy feels real (movement, GIANT BELLY) I find myself pretty emotional when I look at Bud. I find myself staring at his sweet little profile and smooth cheeks and cannot stop the tears in my eyes about how much I’ll miss all this alone time with him. Will he feel neglected? Will he resent the baby? Will I be so sad missing time with just my Bud? So, I definitely find myself battling those thoughts. And all I know to do is take a deep breath, think of how much fun I had with my brother and how much fun I’m going to have watching my two sons wrestle and laugh with each other. Graham and I were close in age and super close, so I can’t wait to watch some of the adventures my kiddos will have together.

And honestly Kate, watching your boys has been such encouragement to me! I love how they play together and use their imagination and seem like such buddies.

Bud and I have had a really special time together for these almost two years, and have grown so close especially when Sam was deployed but I have to trust our joy will be multiplied when we add children to the pile. So instead of anxiety, I’m going to try and stock up on band-aids, first aid kits, wood scraps for treehouses and forts, a sense of humor, and accept that my couch cushions will be used for rocks so they can avoid the lava that my living room floor has turned into.

Ok, second part of the question about this pregnancy. I feel it’s been a just a little different which is why Sam was convinced we were having a girl. I’m glad he’s not a betting man.

1. I am breaking out like a 15 year-old boy…. awesome.

2. My sweet tooth for candy is even stronger (who thought that was possible).

3. I’m WAY more emotional. If I happen to catch an ASPCA commercial, you will find me in the fetal position in the corner sobbing with circus peanuts in my mouth.

Everything else has been pretty similar as far as the sickness going away at week 16 and my energy being great. I was already reading birthing books with Bud at this point but aintnobodygottimefodat right now. The plight of the second child, not nearly as cool a nursery and not nearly as many books read. I think he’ll get over it.

Thanks again for sending questions, yall are awesome. Do yall have any other words of encouragement about siblings or dealing with the anxiety of adding more children to the family?

I’m loving these questions coming in. I’ll be answering one per day and keep them coming if you have more! You can leave a comment or email me at marthabmetz@gmail.com.

Question from Laura R., you wanted to know the books I have by my bedside. Well, to be 100% transparent, I’m not a huge reader. I love it but I find myself writing more in my free time than I do reading. BUT, here’s what I have.

1000 Gifts. Amazing, please read it. It’s empowering, encouraging, and a real kick in the ass when I need it. Just get through the first couple of pages with graphic birthing imagery (totally unrelated to the book by the way) and you’ll be blown away.

Loving the Little Years. I love this book because you can pick it up any time and the chapters are super short. It’s a quick read or just a daily pick-me-up. It is honest, hilarious, vulnerable and reminds us to really enjoy the season of the chaos of having youngins.

Into Thin Air: I realize this is super random to have but I just keep randomly reading it because it draws me in and still amazes me that they went through all that.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: Well, it’s collecting dust since Bud was born but I’ve got it laid out ready to read again for when #2 comes along.

Bossypants: Because you and I have nothing in common if you don’t understand why I love this book so much and keep picking it up to read. THE BEST.

Bible: Because its my survival if I’m honest.

Thanks again for sending questions, yall are awesome. Keep ’em coming!

Yall I have some serious writer’s block. SO I figured I’d open the floor up to yall to ask any question you want. It could be personal, about parenting, birth, military life, mental health, blogging, pregnancy, marriage, faith, or what my favorite candy is.

You can email me at marthabmetz@gmail.com or leave a comment! I’ll start answering them ASAP.

If you don’t, I’ll Facetime you like this…..

This weekend was a fun-filled one and of course, one I didn’t take any pictures of! Friday was super low key because Bud had a random fever with no symptoms so just to be safe, we laid low and had a family movie night. After Bud went to bed, Sam and I ate some delicious thai food (if you’re in the area, eat Pattaya Thai!!) and watched This is 40. And we both died, it was hilarious. There’s a reason why I had a picture of Paul Rudd in my room in college…. so hilarious and wonderful.

poor puny boy

Saturday we worked in the yard and then had a big cookout that night with a bunch of friends. We had 8 adults and 4 kids running amuck in our house and it was exactly how Sam and I like it. We love loud, fun, and crazy. I wish I had gotten pictures because these friends have become so dear to us but I was too busy laughing.

Bud is super helpful with yard work……… #oppositeday

Sunday we were church skippers and had a family day because that afternoon I drove to Seattle for my friend Daron’s baby shower. But my favorite part of the whole weekend was after we put Bud to bed, Sam asked if I wanted to go on a spontaneous date. So we texted the sitter and she could do it! So we got gussied up and went to dinner and had the best time flirting and laughing about the fact that I said I needed to eat a salad but ordered nachos instead….. he knew what he married.

The 3 preggos

Almost 7 years later and the guy still gets me, I’m so glad I’m married to him and growing a family with this man.

So for real, if you’re married, resist the urge to check out. Go on a spontaneous date night, even if its in your living room. Put on some make-up, light some candles, and get your swerve on. It’s worth it. Trust me.

16 weeks

I figured I should do a bump/preggo check in since I think I started doing them at like, week 13 with Bud (that’s adorable of me).

18 weeks (in Bud’s awesomely organized bathroom)

How far along today: 20 weeks, due date of August 22 still looking good

20 weeks

Gender: BIZZOOYYYYYYY….. I’m so glad I invested in an Oreck vacuum because I know it’s going to be so dirty in my house in the future.

Also true conversation with my brother:

G: Another boy huh? I think you’ll have all boys.
M: No, I told Sam I’m going to get a girl out of him before this is all said and done.
G: You know babies come from you right?
M: Not the way we do it.

Symptoms: I felt like sha-poop wrapped in fire trapped in a hot sweaty room filled with annoying people like Rush Limbaugh and Mariah Carey until week 16. But now I feel AWESOME! It was the exact same way with Bud, week 16 I miraculously stopped throwing up every minute of the every day and got my energy back.

Cravings: Popsicles, margaritas (don’t worry, they’re virgin but oooh I can’t wait for September when they will no longer be virgin), and popsicle margaritas.

Aversions: Seafood

Random Thoughts: I love being able to have my cup of coffee in the morning again. I didn’t during the 1st trimester because I just didn’t have a taste for it but I’m back in action! I get up an hour before Bud and sit with my coffee and read Scripture and some other readings and it’s my sanity. I think with this season of life I’m having to be extra intentional about taking time for self-care. (And please don’t email me about how I shouldn’t have one cup of coffee in the morning because then I’ll have to school you with research and sass.)

I was able to get the same midwife that delivered Bud, Amber. I’m so grateful because it’s kind of a free for all at Madigan. I’m still planning on birthing him naturally but haven’t started reading my books again……. such is life with #2.

Also, this time around, Sam will be here for the pregnancy! He was gone for the last 6 months until a week before the due date with Bud so I told him I’m going to cash in on some foot rubs but really, it’s just going to be fun having him here for that amazing process of getting huge, waddling, and the baby kicking.

Anything else I should include in these? I want to be able to treasure this time like its my first so tell me if I’m forgetting some sweet things you think I’ll want to remember!

2012

2013

Ahhh what a difference a year makes. This was last year’s visit to the Easter Bunny compared to this year’s. Clearly an improvement.

It got me thinking about everything else that has changed this past year. Last year’s picture of Bud with the Easter Bunny was taken about 6 weeks after Sam left for Afghanistan. This year’s picture was taken about 4.5 months after Sam got home.

Bud was seriously overtaken with separation anxiety after Sam left and it didn’t go away until recently. It was crippling. I couldn’t walk across the room without him screaming. I had moved him from the only home he’d known, his daddy left, and his little world had been turned upside down.

Now when we take him to the church nursery or when I leave him with a friend, he doesn’t even look back! He takes off giggling towards the other kids or toys and only a few months ago, there were complete melt-downs. He knows his family is together, his “normal” has been restored. Redemption.

Now that my normal is wonderfully in place, I am grateful for this past year.

I’ve learned I can be quite self-sufficient. I can install shelves, blinds, and curtains. I can change hard to reach light bulbs, mow the grass, and run our household. I have learned that friends are invaluable, especially on hard days. I have learned how to savor a margarita and laugh with my girls. I learned how to put on a brave voice for my husband and how to put on a vulnerable heart with my friends and family. I learned how to incorporate Sam into our daily life without him being there. I learned that for better or worse, everything is shifting sand and the things I had made a habit of grabbing onto (like my husband) weren’t there and I was clutching to my Father for survival for the first time. Do you know the fullness that comes from that!? Redemption.

I have learned, I have grown, I have cried, I have laughed, and I have survived. It was a crapshoot of a year but so full of richness and growth that I couldn’t trade the world for even if I wanted to.

When you live thousands of miles from your family, your friends become more important than ever. If there has been one thing we’ve learned here its that raising a family without family around is hard, but not if you have battle buddies to help you along the way. We watch each other kiddos, we laugh and cry together during deployments, we share meals together, we step in for last minute emergencies, and we of course, celebrate holidays together. Easter was no different, we had a great weekend with our family-friends and it was so special.

Sam was out of town for Easter weekend and left early Thursday but before he left, we did a quick trial Easter egg hunt in the backyard.

Then on Friday I had some friends and kiddos over to decorate Easter cookies and then I hid about 60 eggs in the backyard and they had the best time hunting for them. I’m so grateful for these mamas and even though some of them are leaving us soon (ahhh such is life in the military) I know we’ll be buds forever.

Saturday, I started the day off with bunny pancakes and then we went to the big neighborhood egg hunt with our better half family, the Howells. Adalynn and Bud are inseparable and he is obsessed with their whole family.  The egg hunt was um….. it was hilariously chaotic. When all the kids were lined up, Jordan leaned over and whispered, “I wonder if this is how the Hunger Games feels like.” And then I died. Because it was so true. I haven’t even read those books, (you know why) but when they yelled “GO” parents were scooping eggs up and throwing them in buckets and kids were getting trampled. Hysterical.

Sunday Bud and I went to church and then to an amazing Easter lunch at the Howells. They are transitioning out of the Army in the late summer and I’m in complete denial about it because they are such a part of our every day life. Kim fixed us a delicious traditional Easter meal and it was so friggin’ yummy.

All in all, it was such a fun celebratory weekend with my boy and our friends. I hope yall had an awesome Easter and celebrated with family or friends-family.

You have heard me talk about LeapFrog before and I recently was given the opportunity to review one of their new learning games! It’s so adorable. It’s called Mr. Pencil and it helps with reading and writing.

My favorite part was that it encourages fun and creativity…. for instance, the “bad guy” is notorious for not being creative, so that’s his “evil power”. And I loved how you can customize the game to your child’s reaching or writing skill level. Obviously Bud was at a 10 year old level…… womp womp.

It works with handwriting, reading skills, and even has a visual dictionary.

On my trip to Vancouver, I put that thing in Bud’s hands and it kept him busy! He loved it and he’s starting to follow along with the story. I know it’ll be even more fun when he gets a little older. I took the LeapPad with me when I went to our tax center to keep Bud busy and it worked like a charm but what I loved was that a little 5 year old girl came to sit next to him and enjoyed it just as much so the age levels it reaches is diverse.

Thanks again Leap Frog for letting me be a part of this and yall, check out Mr. Pencil and the Lost Colors of Doodlebug!