Martha Metzler.com

Hey yall! Since I couldn’t get my act together like I promised with the 2 giveaways I’m working on for yall, I decided to do my own giveaway just because I love ya.

So here’s the deal, leave a comment with your name and what your favorite candy is and on Monday by noon (eastern time), I’ll randomly pick a winner and send you a surprise box full of goodies! I’ll fill it with some of my favorite things and hopefully yours too. It’ll be a random assortment of fun things so I think you’ll have fun giggling as you open the box. I’ll email the winner on Monday for your address and you’ll get your box in a few days!

SUSPENSE!!!!!!!!!  SOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!

Who knows, it could be this:

Bud is down to one nap. I thought he might milk the 2 naps for a couple more months but alas, I think he’s down to one. I’ve tried to put him down for his usual 2 naps the past few days and he’s just sat in his crib playing for over an hour! So I just had a feeling he was done with the 2, made peace after calling and texting a couple of friends in a panic (But how will I get my time to read blogs and eat candy!??!) I put him down today around 12:15 and he slept until 2:30 so at least he got some good rest BUT holy crap…. supper time = mama needs a glass of wine STAT. I’ll be ready for him to get used to this schedule because I’m not sure I can handle the supper time melt downs!! I put him to bed a little earlier than his usual 7pm bedtime and so I’m hoping that’ll still mean he sleeps until his 7:15am usual wake up time. Come on dude, show mama some love.

Also- because I promised my hubby I’d post some pics and because I’m too spent to write anything meaningful , here are some pictures! And thanks so much for all the encouragement from my last post, yall are the best. For realz.

Taking a hike w Dada

Sam with his 2 dudes

love love here we are.

smooches from mama

Bud officially gives the most hilarious kisses ever. open mouthed and full of slobber and love

snuggs

Also- I just realized that we all are wearing orange. Looks like we will be featured in this year’s awkward family photos.

So this has been on my heart for awhile now. I’ve struggled with feeling inadequate and I know from living and breathing in this world, I’m not the only one.

When we found out Sam was deploying, he and I prayed that this season would be a time of thriving and not just surviving. And believe me, most days its beautifully messy and rich. But it’s beautifully messy and rich because I am reminded that God is my portion. I am reminded of that when I’m having to drive Bud all over the state for visits to family and friends and he HATES the car and there is no one to entertain him except me and his snack cup filled with cheerios that have been thrown across my car like confetti and his shrieks are so high-pitched that I think Mariah Carey might have taken an unwelcomed residence in my son’s vocal chords. I am reminded of that when I’m laying Bud down at night praying for Dada’s safety and there is a giant void of his Dada’s strong arms wrapping around us as we pray. I am desperately searching to feel my Father’s arms wrapping around us in those moments and am beyond grateful I have a husband who is praying the same thing across the world. I am reminded of that when I crawl into bed at night and force my body as close to the middle as possible so that the emptiness of the other half isn’t as vast. I am reminded of that when I remember how joyful our lives are when all 3 of us are together and thank God for the reality that the three of us do pretty damn well together. I am also reminded of that when I get to tell Bud of how brave and selfless his Dada is. When we try and explain what a heart for justice looks like, I can point to his Dada as an example. Trust me, I know how blessed I am to say that.

So here’s where we can come in. We need to cut ourselves some slack. I have put some major self-inflicted guilt on myself. Yes, these times have been thriving because of how faithful the Lord has been but there are some days when I am in survival mode. I have to do what’s best for my family even in the face of a hard situation. I have mentioned before that Bud doesn’t exactly take to the church nursery well. This has NOTHING to do with the volunteers there. They are beyond amazing. I am not sure if its the fear I’m not coming back or that I’m the only consistently physically present person right now in his life, but he wigs out. Which makes my heart shatter into oblivion all over the church floor. I can’t enjoy worship, I can’t hear the message because all I’m thinking about is how he’s doing in the nursery. I fully realize this isn’t the best state of mind, but its my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to. If Sam were next to me, I wouldn’t bat an eye. I’d tell Bud to tough it out and we’d go enjoy church and trust he’d work it out. But because of our situation, I just can’t do that. I don’t have peace in my heart about it. And lets be real, when you try and get a mama to do something when she doesn’t have peace about it, it’s like trying to convince Charlie Sheen to pursue a life of abstinence.

I love the crap of our Gospel-centered, non-judgmental church. I love my community of friends at my church. But on those hard days when Bud is upset I’ve left him in the nursery and I’m lonely for my hubby, it is anything but a worshipful experience for me. That’s a decision of survival for me folks. If it seems like a good morning, I go and try it out. I’ve sat with Bud for 40 minutes in the nursery while he calms down and then sneaked away for a bit of the message and we’ve survived. I also feel an aching in my heart as I search for a seat alone and keep glancing over at the empty seat next to me wishing I was sitting there with Sam. So there are some mornings when I realize that it’d be better for my heart if I sat in the stillness, listened to the sermon online, and sang to Him in our sunroom instead of the sanctuary next to that empty seat.

And you know what I’ve had to come to terms with? This doesn’t make me a terrible person. I beat myself up for awhile because I couldn’t “pull it off” perfectly.  Hear me brothers and sisters, my faith is strong but my God is even stronger. I am not going to be able to pull it off perfectly each day and despite my tendency to beat myself up, I have to cut myself some slack for that. There are going to be some Sunday mornings when you won’t see me rushing into the building with a crying toddler, messy hair, and a weary heart but know that I am rejoicing in some serious grace that covers my messy hair, weary heart, and the crying toddler.

We never know what mess other people are walking through. Can you imagine how amazing it would be if we traded judgmental hearts for loving hearts? Can you imagine if we strapped on our boots and drudged through the mud WITH the people around us instead of dragging them through it? It might not be Sundays for you. It might be getting the house cleaned, or laundry done, or getting a work out in, or a PTA meeting. Whatever it is, sometimes we have to take a deep breath and know we’re doing the best we can, and hell… cut ourselves some slack.

I’m still wrapping my head around having Sam home for 2 weeks and honestly, trying to let the storm die down a bit in my heart before I can type out how amazing and heart-wrenching it all was. It truly was a taste of heaven and it all ended when I took him to the airport yesterday. Needless to say after a couple of glasses of Pinot Grigio last night combined with my puffy eyes, it looks like Jaba the Hut sat on my face. So until then, here are some pictures I took on my phone from our beautiful 2 weeks with My Heart.

Also- stay turned in the next week because I’m going to have some AMAZING giveaways. For real- get ready to be stoked.

all three of my dudes playing…. i will never take such simple moments for granted again

bud and dada’s favorite activity… SWANGIN’

sam is A MILLION times better at the guitar than yours truly, so bud was clearly more excited each time dada played for him. i swear i heard him yell “BOOO!” when i tried to play for him last night.

late night date night overlooking downtown Winston-Salem

another date night. my parents were amazing and watched bud several times so that we could sneak away on several dates. don’t worry, we made jokes each time about sam having me back by 10 and i may or may not have yelled, “i hope this guy is easy!” as i walked out the door…. dad didn’t think it was funny

homemade water park. dada was in charge of the mist… he took it very seriously.

and yes, dada showed bud how to attack mama with the hose. super.

went on some walks through Reynolda Gardens, bud loved it

grape vines! lets make wine!

dada and bud in the gardens… you know, manly things. sweet shades sam 😉

last date night. we went to this amazing restaurant called Bernardin’s and it had the best outdoor seating. it was so romantic and the food was DELISH!

excuse me while i remain in the fetal position from sobbing so much from this picture…

nobody wants dada to go back so we tried to unpack his pack each time. it was a group effort.

Please hurry home soon Sam, your people miss you already. Now if you excuse me, some cupcakes dipped in chocolate dipped in Nerds dipped in more chocolate dipped in more Nerds are calling my name.

A quick recap of the beach trip with Bud, Sam, and myself:

Each morning we would start the day with sunrise and coffee. It was breathtaking each morning and the sky looked completely different each time.

Our little family together again. I cannot explain the way my heart feels when all three of us are together. It’s as if my heart might quite literally burst out of my chest each time with sheer joy.

Each night Sam and I would put Bud to bed, make a nice supper and pour our drinks and head out to the back porch to watch the sun set, talk about how blessed we are, the things he’s seen, the war he is living, and soaking in each other’s company. We would melt into bed each night knowing that we enjoyed every single minute of the day together. That’s how life should be.

My silly boy.

Snuggle time.

I can never get tired of this. Bud and his dada didn’t take long to connect to each other again. It was a mixture of overwhelming normality and pure delight to see them play together.

Bud was still a little leery of the water but would sit with us in the shallow part of the ocean and let the waves wash over him.

Our nightly sunset, we welcomed it with open arms and Limeritas each night.

This is my all time favorite series of pictures. I love how Bud is looking up at his Dada like, “Oh there you are!! Let’s play! We have catching up to do!”

I’ll post more but I have until Wednesday with my man so I’ll be posting pretty randomly. Treasure the time you have with your loved ones, hug them close!

Recently my new friends over at Leapfrog provided us with their new LeapPad2. Yall- it.is.AMAZING!!!! Seriously, I can’t say enough about how fun this tablet is!

1. It gives my iPhone a much needed break from Bud’s little raccoon hands.

2. It’s totally educational! It has some apps that are definitely way over Bud’s head but there are some that he can interact with that I approve of. Tons of alphabet games, he loves the Pet Pad app, and the Sesame Street videos. And don’t even get me started on how much he loves the KidsBop music app! You know the boy can dance so just imagine having his own little tablet to play music.

He loves watching his Sesame Street videos!

oh hello PetPad!

3. It’s so durable and the battery life lasts forever. Within the first day of Bud playing with it, he threw it on the ground and tried to eat the puppy on the screen and it’s still going strong sooooo I’d give my stamp of approval for its durability!

4. It’s totally adorable to see him sitting next to me doing his “work”(wildly trying to touch the letters that fly across the screen for him to learn) on his tablet while I’m doing my “work” (wildly dropping outfits on anthropologie.com into my wishlist).

5. Unlike most child toys, I don’t want to jam peanut butter in my ears to drown out the obnoxious noises coming from the machine. The apps on the LeapPad2 aren’t obnoxious and there are even times I’m tempted to teach Bud a lesson in sharing so that I can play the games too!

All in all, I highly recommend this tablet for your kids. It’s educational, engaging, and gives mama some sanity on rainy days or long waits in the doctor’s waiting room!

*Disclaimer: As a member of the Clevergirls Network, Leapfrog provided me with this product but the opinions are my own.Thanks for reading!!

I might be taking a little break from blogging this week because HOLY SCHNIKES SAM IS COMING HOME FOR HIS 2 WEEK R&R!!!!!!!!

So if you need me, I’ll be nuzzling in my man’s neck, gettin’ my swerve on, watching my boys play together, and going on countless dates.

But seriously, we are both so grateful for this blogging community. It gives us so much comfort and encouragement when I get emails from yall saying yall are praying for Sam’s safety and our family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Sweet Bud,

You are one year old!! I can’t believe it. Sometimes I catch myself just staring at you in awe of how much you have grown up and what a little dude you’ve become. I know I say this every month but you keep getting more and more fun! With that of course comes its challenges. You inherited your father’s strong will which will bring you much success but it will also drive me crazy 🙂

Where’s Bud??

You found me!

I DO WHAT I WANT MAMA!

You do NOT like it when I tell you “no” and you do not like boundaries. Well my son, I’m afraid you have about 17 more years of that so get used to it! Luckily, you are understanding which things in the house are “That’s a no” and which ones are good to go! I will say how grateful I am for your curious spirit. You really take in a room before jumping in. That reminds me a lot of your dada. You love to explore every little space there is. You still love to walk around holding my hand or holding onto the furniture but you haven’t quite mastered walking on your own yet. I bet it’ll happen soon! You are pulling up to stand on just about anything, including the toilets, the laundry basket, the coffee table, and my legs. I love it. You always look back at me with this big grin like, “Look Ma! Did you see that!?” And oh the pointing! You point at EVERYTHING!

These next pics are my attempts to get you to sit still for your 12 month pictures… hilarious.

On the move!

My attempts to try and get him on his month-to-month blanket = blurred boy

You are such a flirt. Anytime we’re out you love to just show off to the ladies. You laugh at them or throw your head back each time they talk to you. Even in the hard times (ie, church nursery breakdowns) I’m still really proud to be your mama.

We are about at the half-way point of your dada being gone and I know we are both ready to have him home! He admires you on Skype and you always show off how you can push your toys around or play piano. You love your piano! Now all I have to say is, “Bud, do you want to play me a song on your piano?” and you crawl as fast as your little chunky thighs can take you over to the piano and just start banging on the keys. I hope you develop a love of music that your dad and I share.

I know this is totes washed-out but God help me I love this picture. He makes this face all the time and it melts my heart.

The doc said that you looked great at your 1-year check up. You’re 21.5 pounds and 27 3/4 inches long. You’re about 30% in weight, 80% in height, and of course 95% in head size…. we’ll go with the theory you have a big brain.

You are still a great eater, I’m now giving you just about anything that we’re eating but I’m still having to puree some of your green veggies because you’re pretty picky about what you’ll eat whole veggie wise. Plus, you’re going to give your daddy a heart attack if you’re vegetarian but you are super picky about meats!

You’re still rocking 2 naps; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I’m sure we’ll be seeing you fade out of your morning nap but I’m hoping to hold onto it until you’re 14 or so months.

My all time favorite thing is when you just bust out in dance whenever you hear a song you like. You start bobbing your head and get a huge grin on your face. Boy, you got swagger.

What do you have doggie?

Best playmates. It’s no surprise Bud’s first word was “doggy”

I’m so grateful to the Lord for forming you inside my womb and for making this year one of the most fruitful years of my life. I’ve seen my sin mirrored in you little Bud but thanks be to the Author of Grace because I see His freedom and His mercy alive in you every single day. You my son are fearfully and wonderfully made and I’m so blessed to have been entrusted with you while you are here on earth. I pray every day that you come to know the Lord in a real and passionate way and that your Dada and I can show you what grace and truth look like. We will fail you, but God never will. 

I love you to the moon and back little man and thanks for being an awesome kid.

Your Mama

Hey yall! I’m sorry I’ve been MIA but we have been moving (my parents have been moving, yada yada).

I’m pretty sure this move has been more stressful than our move across the country! That whole moving with a 1-year old makes a tiny difference 🙂 But we’re taking it day by day and having a positive attitude for the win!!! Plus, the house is gorgeous and mom is doing some incredible stuff.

Just so you know what we are twerkin’ with, here is a picture of their “living room”. Yep. Totes babyproof…..

But luckily I have the coolest kid in school and all of the craziness (including a carpenter walking into his nursery during naptime and scaring the bajeezus out him) can ruin the mood of this boy!

** Excuse the grainy pictures, my camera is buried in a box somewhere.

So my parents are renovating a house and WE ARE MOVING MONDAY!?!?!

(side note: for those that didn’t know, Bud and I are squatting at my parents’ house until Sam gets home because I didn’t like living by my lonesome. plus, they have better cable.)

So they are moving into their new house on Monday and we are going to join them. Good thing I’m a professional mover so I’ve been packing up their house. Bud has been helping with the renovations.

The kid is a genius mimicker. We walked into the new house and he saw the painter and literally made a bee line for the un-used paint brush and just started painting all the walls and the floor and the mama and the….. you get the idea. 

Adorable right? I think I’ll keep him. Have a great weekend yall!!