Ash Wednesday

Posted on February 20, 2010

I grew up in the Episcopal church and was drowned in liturgy that I didn’t appreciate or didn’t understand. The only thing about Sundays that I remembered was: sit, stand, kneel, rinse and repeat every 3 seconds. My brother and I had to be acolytes and I remember he’d always pass out from the “exercise” of a Sunday morning.

Sam and I have been going to non-denominational churches since college. They tend to be very contemporary in worship without a lot of liturgy. We have loved the two churches we’ve been a part of (Vintage21 and Salem Chapel) and felt blessed by the community and heart that goes into those churches. However, Lent season was approaching this year and I realized that I needed to be reminded of what it was about. So I went to an Ash Wednesday service at my old Episcopal church. It was so beautiful. We read prayers that had been read for generations. We kneeled in reverence to God. We sang hymns that were rich with Scripture and theology. As I walked to the altar to have the ashes put on my forehead, I looked around at the congregation. There were heads bowed in solemn pleas for atonement. There were no iphones out tweeting about what the pastor was saying or about what a good song we were singing- they were experiencing it. There was no chance for the musicians to “perform” because the one organist was hidden so only his music to God would be heard. There was no apology or reluctance from the congregation to boldly walk to the altar and have ashes placed on our foreheads because there was beauty in outwardly showing our depravity.
All of that to say, apparently my heart was needing some liturgy and reverence in this Lent season. Even though as I walked to my car with an ash cross on my forehead, I wondered how many people would think I was in a death metal band and was tempted to start throshing and doing my best screamo impression… what was I saying about needing reverence?
I left the Episcopal church for a few reasons but the main one was selfish. I was so afraid of being “boring” or too “old fashioned”. So for Lent, I’m going to wear pilgrim clothes, ride the Old Spice horse to work, and give up making jokes. Starting now…

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So many lessons…

Posted on February 15, 2010
My cousin and I ran the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon this past Saturday! Now, I tried to pick one lesson that I learned after this weekend but I couldn’t.
1. Myrtle Beach got snow… and by snow I mean a couple inches of powder that melted by noon. The race board was unanimous in still doing the race but the city of Myrtle Beach cancelled the race. The roads were COMPLETELY clear so we now affectionately call Myrtle, “Dump Water, USA”. So, Friday night we could have just called it quits and gone home the next day. But, runners are resilient…. and stubborn. Everyone decided to go out and run the course anyway! There were runners everywhere. We were all cheering each other on, wearing our bibs, and even had medals given out at the finish line. Life doesn’t always turn out like you plan, but my cousin, Caroline and I decided to push past the barrier and finish our goal of running the 13.1 miles.
2. Caroline is friggin fast! We both wanted to finish the race in under 2 hours. Ok, by “we” I mean Caroline because I just wanted to survive. I kept up with her to about 7.5 miles but then I had to fall back. I just found my “happy pace” but never lost sight of her. It was only because I was following my sister that I finished under 2 hours. I definitely would have stopped more often but I had my eye on Caroline in front of me. Sometimes we need to focus on the sisters that have paved the way for us to inspire us to persevere.
3. The biggest lesson I learned is that it really is all mental. At mile 9, I wanted to quit. I thought to myself, “Self, this is the dumbest thing you have ever done.” My butt muscle was cramping up, I was throwing up in my mouth, I didn’t have any water, and the wind was coming at me so fast and strong that I literally started running sideways. But somehow, I knew that there would be a finish line even though I believed in it as much as I believed that sugar free candy tastes the same as regular candy. Mentally, you can convince yourself to do anything you want. Test yourself.
Here is proof:

Check out a video another runner made: http://www.thesunnews.com/1224/story/1314406.html
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It felt good…

Posted on February 11, 2010

I heard an awesome song on the radio that made me want to dance like I was on the Mickey Mouse Club. So I pulled my car over and got out… and danced in the parking lot. I mean, I was doing pivots, kicks, and shook my hips like I was Beyonce. My arms were in the air, I was singing, pretty sure I even tried to do the moon walk when the song told me to “back it up”.

The song ended, I got back in my car, didn’t make eye contact with the people watching and drove away. It felt good…. life lived today, CHECK!
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Constipation

Posted on February 10, 2010

Ok, now that I have your attention….

I have been thinking a lot about how emotionally and expressively stunted we are. How many times have you been moved by something and your heart wants to cry but that voice inside your head keeps screaming, “KEEP IT TOGETHER!” Why do we have to keep it together? Or how often have you wanted to laugh hysterically at something but you don’t want to disturb the restaurant or the rest of the party? Or hug someone who is hurting? Or yell “AMEN!” during a sermon or good worship song? Or just dance in the middle of the store when you hear your favorite song? Why do we keep stopping ourselves? I love watching Extreme Home Makeover and seeing people react to their new homes. The free souls are the ones that fall to their knees, cry, snot flying out of their nose, scream, and laugh without fear of looking embarrassed or out of control. My friend once asked me what was wrong with the people on the show that didn’t react with overwhelming joy. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, “They’re emotionally constipated.”
What is this “control” or “holding it together” getting us? Imagine what life would look like if we all lived loudly, uninhibited, and full of expression. You wouldn’t live with any of the, “Oh I should have said this…” or “I wish I would have just hugged her.” or “I’ll just wait until I get to my car to cry so I can be alone.” Instead your world will be filled with tears, loud belly laughs, embraces, passionate kisses, sacrifice… all the things life should be if it were being lived properly.
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Born to Fight

Posted on February 2, 2010


This is sweet little Kessler, aka “Bean” as I like to call him. He is the handsome offspring of our amazing friends Blake and Ashley Hill. A few weeks ago Kessler got RSV. It scared everyone but after a few days in the hospital, that little fighter came out strong! RSV can stick around but Kessler refused to let it keep him down. Now lets be honest, this is a little boy who only knows how to poop, eat, and sleep. But, within every fiber of his being he knew he was born to fight.
We are equipped to fight because we have the ultimate Warrior on our side. Check out Exodus 15:3 for a little kick in the rear. Too often we make ourselves the victims and we forget that we were born to fight for a full life, justice, love, holiness, and peace. Now, lets go to bed tonight with the image of Kessler in full armor leading our army like Braveheart. I’m not even going to try and hold back the laughter.
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What owns you?

Posted on January 28, 2010

I like to get up in the morning and spend some time reading and praying for the day. This morning has been hard. I’ve realized I’m “owned” by a lot of things… mostly other’s opinions of me. The craziest thing is, sometimes its the unspoken opinions of me that bother me the most. For instance, I realized I can either be validated or invalidated by whether or not Sam says something about the way I look as I walk out of the door to work each morning. If he doesn’t tell me he thinks I’m pretty, I don’t feel pretty. All day I’m owned by the thoughts of insecurity. This is ridiculous…. I can’t be owned by this.

I get a strange look from a stranger and I think, “Oh Lord, somehow my boob is showing or maybe I’ve grown a tail or maybe my zipper is undone and I forgot to wear underwear today.” This said stranger is probably thinking about their grocery list and my skin tone reminded them to get self-tanner. But, I’m owned by their unspoken opinions.
The list goes on and on: I’m owned by my coworkers’ opinions of the work I’m doing, by whether or not my friends laugh at my jokes, or if my husband’s friends think I’m a good wife. I can’t be owned by anything except being a daughter of God and being a woman that is active in this world. I have to experience freedom from others’ perspective of me and start experiencing a development of confidence in who I’ve been made to be. I hope that you aren’t owned by anything or anyone in this world. If you are, I pray for an ultimate release so that you and I both can start experiencing freedom.
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New Hair!

Posted on January 27, 2010


Take this boredom!

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I will not be shaken.

Posted on January 26, 2010

I was reading this morning and was reminded of David’s words, “I will not be shaken.” We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We have the ultimate Protector on our side and I think we forget that when stressful things happen. When there upsetting things, do I say, “I will not be shaken” or do I focus on being a victim?

I’m still heartbroken over the earth quakes in Haiti and wonder if even in the face of my earth physically shaking, if I had the guts to say, “I will not be shaken.” I hope so. But I know I can say it to the small disturbances going on in my life right now.
I am not a victim. Neither are you if you don’t want to be. We will not be shaken my friends.
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High five!

Posted on January 22, 2010

I wonder when women became so competitive? I’m all for healthy competition but I’m talking about the kind when you secretly want the girl next to you to get a giant zit on her nose or for her pants to split up the middle revealing granny panties.

It doesn’t make sense! We need to cheer each other on and rejoice with each other when amazing things happen. The other day I was on a run and I was coming up on a girl that looked like she needed some encouragement. I always think it’s awkward passing other runners because a) I don’t know if I look like I’d rather be drowning in a septic tank or b) I start to wonder what they are listening to or c) if they can see that my entire butt is moving up and down as if completely independent from my body. So instead of thinking of those things or that her legs shook less than mine (ok I thought it for a second) I started cheering really loudly, “YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!” and then held out my hand a little too long until she gave me a high five… all while trying to run with a dog and a bouncing ass.
I hope she laughed but she definitely picked up her pace. I realize this could be because she was running away from the crazy person but it might be because she felt encouraged! Encourage your sisters today. Don’t let jealousy or insecurity get in the way from truly rejoicing with one another.
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I’m ridiculous

Posted on January 20, 2010

So, I just had to point out how ridiculous I am. Every since I realized how needy I am with recognition, I’m laughing all day today at things I used to want thanks for.

1. Putting clothes on that were clean. Really? Congrats Martha, you put your pants on, a well trained Labrador can do that.
2. My job. You know how they thank me for that? They pay me. Plus, I don’t remember anyone putting a gun to my head to make me take it.
3. Donating to a worthy cause. I actually want to punch my own face.
4. Cleaning the house. Lets be honest, I don’t do this often.
5. Cooking good meals. Sam always thanks me for this, even if its grilled cheese but I forget I like cooking. Why the heck should I be thanked for something I like to do? Do I try and make myself more noble than I am?
6. Volunteering. Again, I need another black eye courtesy of my right hook.
I’m laughing at myself because there’s no use in beating myself up again over this. I’m grateful I have a new perspective and transformation can start to happen because I’m ready to be changed.
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