1.   I try to be stylish, I really do. But I’m just not. I wear my cowboy boots and dresses to avoid muffin tops throughout the entire year. Pants are overrated.

2. Well, then there’s this.

3. I sing most of my sentences and only use my real voice about 30% of the time. My poor son will never know what my real voice sounds like. Is she british today? kermit the frog? dumb redneck? (surprisingly not my real voice… or is it?)  valley girl? does my mom have a lisp?

4. I do things like dress up to pick my brother up from the airport and yell “HE’S HOME FROM THE CITY!! MY BROTHER IS HOME FROM THE CITY!!”

5. I don’t do Twilight. I would have loved it when I was 16 I’m sure. But you know what? The bags under my eyes and that weird lump under my ass that’s not quite my thigh (WHAT IS THAT?!?!) remind me that I’m not 16.

6. Much in the same category, I don’t get Hunger Games. Here is how a conversation went the other day:

Friend: Oh my gosh, I was up until 4am last night reading Hunger Games.
Me: Man I keep hearing about this. Is it good?
Friend: It’s amazing.
Me: What is it about?
Friend: Oh my gosh it’s so good. It’s about these teenagers who have to fight to the death to show the strongest survive. So they try and kill each other in these big competitions.
Me: **** silence **** crickets chirping***
Friend: I know it sounds weird but its SO well written.
Me:  (After a bunch of incoherent sounds), so, its about teens killing each other? That DOES sound amazing, in a crazytown kind of way. Does it have vampires?
Friend: No. It should.
Me: I’m breaking up with you. It’s not me, it’s you.

So in summary, I’ve accepted that I’m not cool and shall embarrass my kids by doing Chinese Firedrills around the car at stoplights, dancing in the grocery store, and shouting gibberish in the middle of crowds. Come to think of it, my dad did every.single.one of those things and I turned out…… well, I just turned out.