So I’ve officially entered into the “no sleep” zone. I cannot get comfortable to save my life. I’ve always been a side sleeper but now I have to keep rotating like a rotisserie chicken because my back keeps aching when I’m on one side too long. Then naturally, I’ve NEVER been a back sleeper but of course I’ll wake up on my back and it feels like Rosie O`Donnell is sitting on my stomach so I  jump out of bed to 1. shower because Rosie O`Donnell was on my stomach and 2. Pee because that crazy lady was pressing on my bladder.

So last night, I was having a dream that I was meeting with a birth guru and he was telling me the secret to sleeping well. He started telling me that “Sam needed to put his knee into my back, I needed to put a wedged memory foam pillow under my belly, and now, the key secret to sleeping well is…”

MOTHER LICKER THE ALARM CLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right, as soon as he was about to tell me the secret to sleeping, NPR comes blaring from my alarm clock.

I’ve never liked you alarm clock, but now it’s war.