There are many things about our first pregnancy and labor that will be different than what I imagined. I went to dinner with some girlfriends on Thursday night and they were making fun of me for being “Polly Positive”. We busted out laughing because at one point my friend A yelled, “Your positivity is really pissing me off! Just complain with me!!”
I won’t lie to you, I can get negative and get into a funk about our situation but it.is.exhausting. My life is pretty damn good. I want to be positive to truly embrace the blessings that I have and be able to truly soak up the goodness that I have going on. Yes, things are different than what I imagined it would be a few years back but different isn’t bad. Different means that I stretch myself in ways that I didn’t know I could. Different means this time has been a sweet time for my marriage as we learn to express our love for each other in creative ways and get a reality check to never take time with him for granted again. Different means that I realize how important supportive friends and family are. Different means my faith has gone to a deeper level. I woke up before the alarm this morning (mainly because Roy was breathing hot dog breath down my neck) and felt overwhelmed with gratitude for this experience so far… and I still have the fun part of the ride coming up! Here is what was going through my brain this morning at 5am:
1. My husband has missed the majority of my pregnancy, only to see me every 2-3 weeks for a weekend. As you all know, you change A LOT every week so every time I see him he has a new belly to get used to. He’s been beyond amazing and makes me feel so beautiful every time I’m with him. But part of me is bummed I miss out on milking the husband’s attention on late night cravings and foot massages. (Dangit Roy for not having thumbs! I’d totally make him do it!) But there has been a sense of empowerment that has come with this absence, not only has it made my heart yearn for Sam, but it has made me feel so empowered as a woman who is caring for and growing her baby.
2. I wish we had bacon and biscuits with apple butter downstairs. Or just put the applebutter on the bacon… would that be good? OH SNAP! I just remembered I get PF Changs tonight! Lettuce wraps… git in my bellehhhhh! What was I thinking about before?
3. I haven’t been able to “nest” or put together a nursery because I’m squatting at my parent’s house. But this has taught me that material aspects of having a baby pale in comparison to feeling him kick or squirm or get the hiccups. I’m able to provide him a home right now and he seems to like it!
4. Roy stinks. Who can I sucker into giving him a bath so I don’t have to do our own version of Wrestle-Mania getting him into the tub?
5. While I’ve been studying different labor options and I get to the “practice sections” when the mom and coach practice together, I definitely wish Sam and I would be able to practice BUT it has been beyond instrumental in my faith to trust that my labor will be blessed, I will be able to keep a sense of humor, and there will be someone there (hopefully Sam will make it in time) to coach me through everything. My mantras are, “The opposite of fear is faith.” and “Someone bring me frozen yogurt with sprinkles on top… STAT!”
6. Sunday breaks from Lent are the best ever, I can still taste the sweetness of the Runts and jelly beans I ate yesterday.
Sorry for the novel this morning! Hope you’re surviving this Monday!
