Martha Metzler.com

Tonight is a Monday night. It’s usually the night that Sam and I eat left overs, watch NOTHING on TV, and veg out on the couch… you know, from all the exhaustion of starting another week over. But instead, we decided to make a memory. We opened a bottle of wine that we’d be saving since our wedding. Our friend Julie (what’s up Sessoms!) gave us a bottle of wine from Spain and we have been saving it for something special. Well, tonight was a night that we decided to make special. We fixed supper together, we brought all of the food outside on the back porch, and sipped our fancy bottle of wine. We talked about our days, politics, how we don’t know what good wine tastes like, dreams, fears, and how weird our dog is. It could have been just another Monday mundane night.

A friend had this on his blog and I’ve watched it a few times this morning, crying each time. I think it’s so moving. I’ve had some conversations about race this week that have caused my heart to break. My friend Becca and her adopted son, Sammy, were spit at this week. Just read her story because every time I try and tell it I feel a rage boiling in me. We cannot hide in our suburban neighborhoods any longer. We have to pray against hate together. We have to fight against injustice together. So watch this, let me know your thoughts. I think it’s so powerful and raw.

I’ve been getting emotional this week because Sam has finished law school and I will be done with grad school next week! I’m not emotional because it’s over, because sweet Lord I’ve been waiting for this since the 2nd week we started this whole 3 year grad school journey. I think I’m emotional because I realize we’ll be starting the lives that we have been talking about for these three years. Lives that revolve around our dreams that we’ve worked for, seeing each other more consistently, and treasuring time that we have before Sam leaves. I’ve also been marveling at my husband’s call to our country. He could have immediately started applying to law firms or the DA’s office but instead, he wanted to serve. I’m completely and fearfully in love with that.

I’ve been so clueless to this process of joining the Army but I’ve been so blessed recently to have new friends in my life to guide me through it. We’ve met these amazing new friends, Kate and Kevin who live down the road. Kevin is in the Army and stationed at Wake teaching ROTC. Kate is this graceful and hilarious wife and mother who has become my butcher shop guru, wine partner, interior decorator, and an instant girlfriend who I could talk to forever.

My friends Tyler and Ginna are stationed in Alaska. Ginna has been so patient with me and even video chats with me when I’m having question overload. She is so encouraging and I’ve attached her recent post about Tyler’s job. It brought tears to my eyes because I can’t wait to hear Sam love his job like that. And I can’t wait to strive to be the wife that Ginna is.

http://gtvz.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-convoy-is-best-tvz.html

Ok enough with the gushy stuff, here is my point. God’s will never takes you where His grace doesn’t cover you. When Sam started the application process and then accepted his position with the Army, I felt very alone and helpless. I knew nothing about this life and let fear take over. God intervened by placing a community around me before it even started!! Most people talk about the community you have on post, but I’ve been able to experience it right now. God knew that I needed that and His grace covered me. Lets all trust that where God’s will takes us, no matter what crazy journey that may be, we can rejoice that Grace protects us and comforts us.

Ok, this is not going to be a serious post. In fact, this may bring me down in your books (I like to think you write about me in your diary) a bit. I was writing a paper last night and couldn’t focus because my husband’s hot body laying on the couch like a giant flank steak was beckoning me to snuggle and watch 1 of the 8,000 Johnny Depp movies that was on TV. So, I thought, “Hey, you used to go to Starbucks in college and write papers! Maybe that’ll work!” So I went. Here is what I noticed in the 2 hours I was there… besides the fact that I won’t go back any time soon.

Are we living by faith? I was reading this morning and was struck by a verse in Scripture. It’s Romans 1:17, “The righteous will live by faith.”

Since I prayed that prayer, I have never been so aware of my sin and my short comings. Every day I stare my sin in the face. It’s like this annoying after-school special going on in my head every time I’m tempted to gossip, lie, be lazy, be judgmental, eat 4 bags of Chewy Sprees… you get the idea. All day long I realize without grace, I’d be forced to listen to Carl Winslow’s voice in my head point out how I’m a failure and how I need to make better life choices.

There are a lot of unjust things happening around us. I really believe that we are called to fight against them. Of course it’s easier to sit on my couch, watch 30 Rock, and drink coffee… but that’s not why we are here. Let me say that again, that is not why we are here. We are here to make a difference. We are here to fight for people who can’t fight for themselves. We are here to be a light in the darkness.

I have a lot on my mind this week, a lot of conviction that is clouding my sanity. I even told my husband today that if I could make fireballs, I’d throw one at his head. Luckily, we both laughed. Insane woman, party of one….

Happy Easter everyone, I hope you felt and experienced the freedom that the Resurrection brings you every day… not just on Easter.

You want to know when the best moment of my marriage was? The richest time of friendship? It was when I released Sam and my friends from my expectations. The times when I felt most connected to my family? It was when I didn’t force them into the roles that I wanted them to be in.